Calling the Moon
by TheNewHope
Summary: [Bee & Lena at the end of book one] Bee wakes up exhausted.


**title:** Calling the Moon  
**fandom:** **Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants**  
**codes:** Bee Lena at the end of book one. 1,000 words. not mine. no money made.  
**summary:** Bee wakes up exhausted.  
**notes:** for the third picfor1000 challenge.

_I woke up exhausted It's not morning It's back to sleep To re-dream me – Tegan Sara_

Bee can see the moon from Lena's bed. It's smaller and less well defined than the one that captivated and haunted her in Baja, but its light burns her eyes all the same.

It's late, or maybe early, Bee's not really sure. She's been drifting in and out of sleep for days now, and it's gotten her body clock all out of whack. Now that she thinks about it, she doesn't even know what day it is or how long she's been back from California.

What Bee does know is that it's the middle of the night and she's lying in Lena's bed, trying not to shift under the weight of her thoughts for fear of waking her friend.

Bee focuses on the even in-and-out of Lena's breathing. She tries to match the soft rhythm, but the slowness in her head is suffocating and her breath comes out in jagged-edged puffs. She tries to stop herself, to get her body and mind under control, but it's useless and a harsh sob rises from her belly. She doesn't even try to fight the tremors that follow.

She should feel guilty for waking Lena, but as strong arms wrap around her all Bee can think about is how much it hurts to breathe. How much it hurts to feel. So she lets Lena pull her in tight against her side and whisper calming words into her hair. She digs her nose into the soft skin of Lena's shoulder and lets herself go with another deep sob.

She must have fallen asleep, because it's morning now. Or at least the sun is out. For all Bee knows she could have slept through morning and into the afternoon. Not that it really matters. Not that she cares.

Lena is sitting up in bed next to her, drawing pad opened across her knees and charcoal smudging her fingers. Her eyes are focused on a point just left of the closed bedroom door and her thoughts are half a world away. Bee wonders what it is that she's thinking about. Greece and her grandparents maybe. Kostos and their secret pond probably.

A shiver of jealousy runs through her at that thought and she has to bite down a frown.

She's never seen Lena like this before: so happy and free and alive. So Bee-like. And even though Lena is doing her best to curb her enthusiasm for Bee's benefit her joy still shines through.

Bee wants to be happy for her friend, she really does. But there's something inside her, an emptiness that swallows her happiness and turns it rancid. And she finds herself hating Kostos The Wonderful as she watches Lena sketch his face from memory.

Bee wonders if this is what it's like for Carmen: wanting to love and be happy for others but not being able to control your emotions.

She knows that this is what it was like for her mom and that scares her.

She finds herself wanting to sink back into the sheets and the silence of sleep. It'd be so easy just to disappear back into the black fire that's consuming her heart. But as she turns her head away from Lena and into her pillow soft fingers push against her own and draw her gaze back around. Bee can tell that Lena's mind is still in Greece with Kostos and her Bapi, but her hand is solid against Bee's palm. Bee grasps on as tight as she can and lets herself be tethered by her friend's presence.

She pushes up on her elbow and let's her mind fall into the rhythm of Lena's pen stokes. As she watches, Kostos' curly hair stretches and climbs into the peaks of Greek mountains. A full moon blooms up and shines down on a group of goats as they clamber over the rocky cliffs toward the wide open bay that lies below. Memories of salty water and soft sand flood back into Bee's head and overpower her.

For a moment she worries that she will drown under the pressure of her memories, under the weight of her emotions. Then Lena's fingers tangle more firmly with hers and Bee lets herself be drawn back above the surface. She gulps in a greedy breath of air.

"Hey" Lena's eyes are still unfocused and Bee can tell that she's having to fight to recenter herself in the moment. "It's okay."

Lena smiles and for once Bee thinks that maybe it will be okay. She hugs Lena tightly, not sure how else to show her gratitude. She pulls back and smiles through her tears, her gaze returning once again to Lena's sketch.

"Oh no" Bee's tears have fallen and left their mark on the drawing, smudging Kostos' lips and the moon's rays. "I'm sorry." Bee says pitifully.

"What" Lena's voice is light with caring and confusion. "Oh. Don't worry. It was just a sketch." She smiles again when she sees what Bee's worried about. "I was just gonna throw it out."

Bee can't imagine just throwing out such a beautiful thing. "Can I have it?" She asks, voice timid.

Lena's smile builds into a grin as she pulls Bee in for another short hug. "Of course." Lena swipes at Bee's cheeks with her thumb, wiping away her tears and leaving behind a trail of charcoal. "I'll even sign it for you." She says with a flourish and signs her name in small, loopy letters inside the moon.

Bee smiles too, letting her head rest against Lena's shoulder. As she studies Lena's drawing, Bee thinks that maybe if she can have this piece of Lena's summer, if she can just borrow this sliver of her happiness, then maybe things won't be so bad. Maybe she won't hurt so much.

Then maybe she could be happy for Lena. And maybe, eventually, she could even be happy for herself.

_fin_


End file.
